MARRIAGE ON THE ROCKS... HEALING MARITAL CONFLICT...

Hi friends,

                  Today let us discuss the all important topic of marital conflict. Some degree of difference of opinion between the spouses is considered a relatively normal affair, but sometimes, it can go a little out of hand. So what do we do if the conflict gets worse? 

          Well as in case of all emotional problems, psychotherapy or advanced counseling, (in this case, couples therapy) can be of immense help!

The first important step to healing marital conflict is the recognition that there is a problem and the desire and willingness to correct it. It is important that both of them must have at least some desire to make things right. For instance, if one of the spouse is openly or secretly consulting a lawyer for divorce, therapy is not a good option, because one person has already decided to desert the other.

Couples therapy typically views the couple as a unit, and the conflict as a problem the unit is facing as a whole. In other words, neither of the spouses are considered 'weak', 'ill' or a 'culprit'. However, the tendency to label the other as the cause of the conflict, and therefore in need of treatment, can be strong among couples when they come over initially for therapy. A good therapist typically resists the pulls and pushes from either spouse to take his or her side. Typically, the therapy is conducted with both the spouses together. 'Secret meetings' of one spouse with the therapist, individually, is a strict no-no unless it has been pre-decided that the contents of such a discussion will be disclosed in the next joint meeting.

So how does the therapy actually work?

Due to the emotional investment of the couple and the resultant biased view, accurate problem identification and generation of rational solution becomes difficult for the couple to do on their own. The therapist, a neutral third person observer, attempts to overcome these limitations and provide a neutral and rational solution.

But therapy doesn't stop there!

The next important step is to impart the crucial skills to the couple as to how to resolve a situation in a conducive manner. Viewing the couple as a unit the therapist analyzes how the unit resolves a problematic situation, how it handles an emotional problem, what power centers and divisions exist with relation to other family members, what are the communication patterns and how statements/ signals are misinterpreted. Wherever the existing method used by the couple is maladaptive, it is replaced by adaptive ways of dealing with the same scenario. In this manner, bit by bit, part by part, the constituent problems are solved and the relationship is healed.

It is important to understand that if one of the spouses has a major psychiatric illness (severe mental illness), it will need treatment before venturing into couples therapy.

So how effective is this therapy? Well quite effective as a number of scientific studies suggest! So the next time you feel that there is a relationship problem, take the next step forward! Resolve the issue scientifically and get the best out of your lives!

So that was about healing marital conflict friends! Hope you liked it!

Please let me know if you want me to discuss any specific issue by typing in the comments section below.

Write in at stayhappy.prakash@gmail.com

So until next time, STAY HAPPY!

Dr. Sathya Prakash, MD, Dip. CBT

Consultant Psychiatrist, Psychotherapist and Behavioural Sciences Expert

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